


You've Got Mail

by stellewrites



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - No Werewolves, Alternate Universe- No Supernatural, Attempt at Humor, College Student Stiles Stilinski, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, De-Aged Peter, Fluff, Good Peter, Humor, M/M, Young Peter Hale, peter likes to be spoilt and chased and stiles is ready and willing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-24 01:01:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30064263
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stellewrites/pseuds/stellewrites
Summary: Stiles looked at the unknown number flashing on his phone screen and sighed. It was the third time this week the number had called and he was pretty sure it was just some dumb sales call trying to sell him some new air freshener; the lush scent of bullshit and capitalism.As a broke college student, he didn’t have the time or money to waste, but today of all the days he really didn’t have the patience to deal with it either. He’d just had to watch as his ex-girlfriend got proposed to,and accepted,in the middle of the quad.If only sales caller Peter from PipeDrive new that.
Relationships: Peter Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 21
Kudos: 177





	You've Got Mail

**Author's Note:**

> hello!! it feels like ages since I wrote for tw so heres a small one :)) this prompt has been in my phone notes for like two years and I've finally gotten round to fleshing it out!! 
> 
> I think after writing a really long one here (and another 16k on my other account) and kind of doubting some of my writing, I needed to come back to characters I know and write smth short and funny aka my bread and butter !! 
> 
> let me know if you ever have any prompts for me either on here or my tumblr of the same name :D

Stiles looked at the unknown number flashing on his phone screen and sighed. It was the third time this week the number had called and he was pretty sure it was just some dumb sales call trying to sell him some new air freshener; the lush scent of bullshit and capitalism. 

As a broke college student, he didn’t have the time or money to waste, but today of all the days he really didn’t have the patience to deal with it either. He’d just had to watch as his ex-girlfriend got proposed to, and _accepted,_ in the middle of the quad. 

_Why the fuck didn’t they do it somewhere private, somewhere I wasn’t eating lunch,_ he thought to himself and groaned. He’d managed to escape the excitement after and walked back to his dorm to study. _Total bullshit._

His phone vibrated again on his desk, the same number on the screen. Twice in a row? They really must be desperate. 

“I’ll make sure they don’t call again, he thought. 

Usually, Stiles would empathise with the sales callers; they were only doing their job and it's not as if they were _trying_ to piss Stiles off. He’d just been caught in a bad mood, wrong place wrong time, and sadly this caller was going to get the brunt of it. 

“Hello?” 

“Hi, is that Mie—uhm, Meesh—, Mitch—. Is that Mr. Stilinski?” The jovial voice stumbled over his name and Stiles rolled his eyes. 

“Yes. What do you want?” 

“I’m just calling from PipeDrive today, sir, to see if I could interest you in a fantastic product,” the salesman continued, used to the snappy attitude from majority of his customers. 

“I don’t want it,” Stiles said plainly. 

“Well, sir, I’d like to inform you of a fantastic deal we have going at the moment.” 

“Oh? A _fantastic_ deal for a _fantastic_ product, huh?” Stiles said sarcastically. “Isn’t it all just _fantastic?”_

“Yes, sir—” 

“My ex is getting married to the guy she cheated on me with, and it’s all fucking fantastic, right?” Stiles pulled the phone away and rubbed a hand down his face. He hadn’t meant to say that. 

“Oh shit,” he heard from the phone. The tinny voice startling a rough laugh from him. 

“Sorry about that,” Stiles apologised sheepishly. 

“Don’t worry about it. I’d say your situation is unfantastic enough to excuse it. The opposite of fantastic, in fact,” the salesman said. “And I’ve had meaner calls than this, _way worse._ At least you’re not just being an asshole for the fun of it.” 

“People do that?” 

“Yup,” the salesman sounded like he was nodding. “And put it on YouTube, TikTok, whatever the kids are using these days.” 

“The kids?” What are you forty-five?” 

“Hey! I’m only twenty-nine, thank you. Young and spritely.” 

“Is that how old people describe themselves before or after hip replacements?” 

“Ok, you little brat, how old are you, huh?” Stiles heard some shuffling and clicking on the other end of the call. “It says here that Mr M. Stilinski is forty-eight years old.” 

Stiles laughed again, this time making no effort to cover it. 

“Yeah, that’s my dad, dude. How have you got my first name and his age? What kind of sales company are you?” 

“Obviously not a very thorough one,” came the grumbled response. 

“Though a very diverse one if they’re hiring OAP’s,” Stiles teased. 

“What? You want me to prove I’m not middle aged?” The salesman jokingly argued. 

“I mean, you’ve got my number, right? Send a selfie.” Stiles shrugged. “That’s if you know what one of those _is.”_

“Oh, fuck you,” the guy laughed. 

Stiles choked on his saliva, the response shocking and delighting him. 

“Oh my god, dude, aren't these calls recorded? You’re not going to get in trouble, right?” 

“Nah, I know the boss pretty well. She’s easy going enough,” he responded. “And usually, they only check the tapes if there's a complaint. Are you going to complain, Mr. Stilinski?” 

“Call me Stiles, old man.” He moved to settle on his bed, the desk chair not giving him enough room to spread out as he talked. 

“’Stiles’? Jesus Christ...” The salesman’s words were muffled, Stiles assumed by a hand being dragged down his face. 

“Nice to meet you, Jesus Christ. Gotta say, _not_ the man I thought I was speaking to, but it explains the fantastic deals you’ve got going.” 

Stiles waited for the tired groan, the muffled laughter, but was met with only silence. The man had put him on hold. 

He pulled his phone back and frowned. He was enjoying the conversation too. 

“Sorry,” the voice came back, a gleeful note to it. “I choked on my water, needed a minute to recover. You’re just full of life, huh, Stiles.” 

“Spritely, some have been quoted to say,” he grinned back. 

“Fucking trouble maker sounds more accurate.” 

“Hey have you spoken to my dad? Stiles said, only half joking in his suspicion. “You haven’t told me your name.” 

“No, I haven’t.” 

“Are you not allowed? Is there, like, some unspoken rule for over-the-phone jobs, both sales and sexy times, that you’re not allowed to use your real name?” 

The salesman cackled before coming back to his phone, his giggles still leaking through as he spoke. 

“No, not that I’m aware of. But if you’re so inclined, you can call me Crystal and I’ll do my best to answer,” he said cheekily. 

Stiles grinned and laid back on his bed. 

“Ok, Crystal, _whatchu wearing?”_

“Oh, _hell_ no, kid.” 

“Kid?? We’re only eight years apart in age! I thought you weren’t an old man,” Stiles accused. 

“Huh, you sounded younger,” Crystal replied. “Do you go to college?” 

“Mhmm,” Stiles confirmed with a hum. “UCLA.” 

He heard the salesman whistle on the other end and smiled proudly to himself. 

Stiles scratched at his stomach before looking down to his hand, catching sight of his watch and the time. How had they been on the phone so long without the man growing bored? 

“I should probably buy something, right? So that you didn’t just spend however long on the phone with someone only for it to be a bust. What are you selling anyway?” 

“Erectile dysfunction pills.” 

Stiles burst out laughing. He dropped his phone to the floor and curled up to wheeze his way through the giggles; the fact that they were likely trying to get a hold of his dad instead tickled him way too much. 

“Great, sure.” he managed to say once he picked up his phone. “I’ll take the cheapest option then please, Crystal.” 

“You sure you don’t want our deluxe package?” 

“Oh my god, _deluxe package?”_ Stiles snickered. “How do you manage to do this without laughing all the time?” 

Crystal laughed softly, the sound coming across gravelly through the phone speakers. 

“You get used to it after a while. And not every customer is as entertaining as you,” he said. “So, the cheapest option then, since you're only a poor college student?” 

“Yeah, sure, sign me up. It’ll make a great present for a guy I know.” 

_This will get Jackson back for the prank he pulled last Halloween,_ he thought. 

“Fantastic,” the salesman drawled sarcastically. “That’ll be $8.95, free shipping just because you made my job a little less boring today.” 

“Only a little?” Stiles pouted at his ceiling. 

“Unless you plan on buying a pack every day from me, I’m afraid I will eventually have to hang up and call someone else.” The salesman sounded remorseful at the mention of not being able to carry on their conversation. 

Stiles sighed. 

“Hey, Crystal?” 

“Yes, Mr. Stilinski?” 

“Thanks for making my day a little less shitty too.” 

“You’re welcome,” he said genuinely. “Hey, you said UCLA, right? I live around that area, maybe we’ll cross paths sometime and I can prove I’m not a coffin dodger.” 

Stiles smiled. 

“I’d like that, Crystal. I’ll look out on the corners for you,” Stiles said. 

“Cheeky shit,” the salesman laughed as he hung up. 

Stiles rolled to the side and plugged his phone in to charge. He needed to study and that call had almost put him in the mood for it, or at the very least pulled him out of the funk he’d fallen into seeing Malia and Theo. 

He heaved himself up and sat back at his desk, opened his book to the page he needed and got to work. 

\--- 

He was going to be late meeting Scott and Lydia for lunch, and they always made such a _fuss_ when he was late, so he was also sprinting down the sidewalk to get to the little cafe he couldn’t afford but that Lydia liked to spoil him at. 

“Oh shit, fuck, excuse me!” He stumbled to a halt as he almost crashed into a brick wall of a man walking out of the café. Stiles stepped back and let him out with an apologetic smile. 

The man scowled and huffed as he walked by, heading towards a shiny black car parked nearby. 

“Well, excuse me, grouchy,” Stiles huffed. “Maybe try smiling before your face gets stuck like that.” He muttered to himself, still watching where the man had walked away. 

“I keep telling him, but I fear it’s too late. He always was grouchy. Even as a baby, not even Postman Pat could get a smile out of him,” a familiar voice spoke from behind him. 

“Crystal?” Stiles asked excitedly, turning around; only to come face to face with one of the most handsome men he’d ever seen in his life. “Oh fuck.” 

“Stiles, I’m guessing? Hoping,” the man said with a grin. 

“This is not what I thought you’d look like,” Stiles practically whimpered, eyes wide. 

“Sorry to disappoint,” he said with an unrepentant grin, obviously very not sorry. 

“Oh boy. Oh man, half of me really was convinced you were old, or at least not hot.” Stiles frowned, almost stressed at the revelation. “At least I’m looking hot today. Had to get properly dressed to meet Lyds.” 

The man’s smile dropped. 

“Lyds?” He questioned. “Someone to help you get over the ex or is she the ex and has come to her senses?” 

Stiles laughed. 

“Neither, oh dude, she’d string you up if she heard that.” Stiles wiped a tear from his eyes. “She’s just a friend, and she’ll be sat with my bestie, Scott, in there. Both very hot, you probably noticed them.” 

“Probably,” the man agreed easily. 

“But yeah, dating neither; Scott’s tragically straight and Lydia is also solely into girls,” he said. “So, still single. Alone, just me, no partner to use my new erection pills on.” 

The salesman snickered and nodded along. 

“Uh huh.” 

“I’ve been told they’re _fantastic,_ by Jesus himself actually, so it’s a real tragedy,” Stiles continued, only encouraged by the man’s wide grin. 

“Oh, they must be good then.” He took a sip of his drink. “Shame neither of us are capable of asking each other on a date then.” 

Stiles frowned. 

“What? What do you mean? I am _plenty_ capable!” 

Peter grinned teasingly. 

“Oh yeah? Then what's my name? And not my phone name either,” he laughed as Stiles went to speak. 

“Fuck,” Stiles cursed. “Uhm, Mr. Hot-Pants-Nice-Boobs?” 

Peter choked on his drink and turned away to give himself time to recover. 

“Fuck, Stiles, you’ve got to stop saying shit like that when I’m drinking.” He wiped at his mouth. 

“Well, you wouldn’t have choked either times if you’d just tell me your name.” Stiles threw his arms up. “Wait! You can ask _me_ out, you know my name.” 

“Yeah, but sadly without a bit of practice I can’t pronounce it, and nicknames don’t count. That takes the fun out of it,” Peter said. He gestured for Stiles to hold his drink while he dabbed a disposable napkin at the few speckles of coffee that spilt onto his shirt. 

“This is fun?” Stiles asked incredulously. “Not dating is fun to you?” 

He sighed and looked at the drink in his hand. 

“What did you order anyway? Let me guess, black coffee no sugar, _oh_ , or maybe a strawberry pumpkin blast with—” 

He stopped when he twisted the cup and saw the name scrawled along the side. 

“Paul?” He said as he looked up smiling. “Your name’s Paul?” 

“Not quite, but close, kid.” He reached for his drink again and took another sip. “And it’s tea, actually. Coffee gives me the shakes and I don’t even want to know about the strawberry pumpkin monstrosity.” 

“It’s good for hangovers,” Stiles said dejectedly. His phone buzzed in his pocket and he looked to see the long line of angry emojis Lydia had sent in their group chat. “Well, I guess this is goodbye.” 

The man frowned and went to speak, but was cut off by the grouchy guy from before. 

“Uncle Peter, let's go! I've got a yoga class to teach in fifteen.” 

Stiles froze. 

“Number one, I can’t believe that he teaches yoga, but good for him. Number two, how the fuck did the barista get Paul from Peter? I mean, really?” 

Peter huffed a laugh. 

“That’s what you’ve got to say?” 

“Well, I mean, number three and most importantly, Peter would you like to go on a date with me?” 

“Hm, I think I’m pretty busy this weel, actua— _Ah,_ hey!” 

Peter pouted as he rubbed at his arm where Stiles had hit him. 

“You punched me!” Peter laughed. 

“Softly,” Stiles defended himself sheepishly. “More of a _poke,_ really. I don’t know why I did that, I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s ok,” Peter said. “I’ve been teasing too much. I’d love to go on a date, Stiles.” 

“Yeah? For realsies?” 

“A long as you never say that again,” Peter warned. 

“No promises, dude,” Stiles grinned. “Uhm, well ok, here. Put your number in my phone and I’ll text you. Or call. Calling is good too. It’ll be great.” 

“It’ll be fantastic?” Peter smirked. 

“You bet and you won't even have to spend $8.95 either.” 

“Oh, you’re paying, huh? Broke college student date. Haven’t been on one of those in a while,” Peter mused. 

“Yeah, they’ve got these things now called cinemas, not sure if you’ve seen them. Moving pictures, and in colour too!” Stiles laughed as he danced away from Peter’s half assed poke to his ribs. “I’ll talk to you later?” 

“Definitely. You’ve got my number.” 

“Cool, cool, have a nice day, Peter,” Stiles said as he walked backwards into the café. 

Peter smiled fondly as he made his way back to his nephew’s car. 

“You too, Stiles.”

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed it bc I loved writing it, it just flowed really quick on a day I wasn't expecting to get anything done!! 
> 
> please leave any comments or kudos, they really help us writers out :D <3 
> 
> thanks to everyone that read this! don't you just love a happy hot peter that likes to string along hot guys and get them to beg him for dates bc I do !! and he deserves the attention !!


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